Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
