whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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