you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
