I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
