I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
