you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
