So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
