You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
