just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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