Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm bleeding and have questions
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
