Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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