She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
