I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish I only lived at night.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
