that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
