i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
please don't ironically join a cult
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