when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
