got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
