She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
