You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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