Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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