The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
