If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
