ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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