Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
