ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
