just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Couch. On fire.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
