hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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