JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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