Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My brain says no but my pants say off.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
