Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
