Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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