4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
