So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
