Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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