so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
