i don't like sucking hair
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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