hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
