no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
