I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
