I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
