tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
