im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
