I like to think it a success when the cops are called
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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