I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
