Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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