I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
