Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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