The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize