I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
