$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
No subtext here. People are naked.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
there is glitter all over my balls
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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