if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
