Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
