I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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