I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
