I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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